Parents! Well…Not Well

A friend of mine told her parents that she wants to marry the man she loves. The entire family is flipping out because the guy’s caste is not good enough. They have asked my friend to choose between them and him.

What sort of parents would ask their child, who they brought to life and nurtured for years, to choose illogical, primitive and oppressive social strictures disguised as tradition and dignity over her happiness?  What sort of parents would threaten their child by saying ‘do what you want (by which they mean ‘be happy’) but over our dead bodies’?  What sort of parents would tell their child ‘if you marry this guy (who you love, respect and want to grow old with) you are on your own’?

I think I know what of sort of parents do this – the ones who are sick and dead in their hearts.

My friend who is – amongst other things – a beautiful human being, is trying hard to make them see reason. She is hurt and her heart is aching. She asked me what she should do. I said, ‘your parents are sick. You and I both know the reasons of this illness. You should forgive them and continue loving them, for we don’t stop loving our parents because they are not well in their head and heart. But DON’T let sick people decide for you.

What is even more sick is that my friend’s not the only one going through this. And that this is happening in 2012!

~ by stalink on February 24, 2012.

10 Responses to “Parents! Well…Not Well”

  1. Mother of my girlfriend lied, cheated, stole and blackmailed her daughter out of her live-in relationship (old lady is a Pol. Sc. major from Presidency College, Kolkata, mind you) because i’m an uncultured non-bengali (more importantly, a non-MBA, lowly paid media maverick). Do your own due-diligence…and move on.

  2. Such parental responses are totally incomprehensible (not to mention reprehensible) and, sadly, all too common!

  3. Hi

    Read Ur blog. Found it very premature evaluation about things. Any parents will never wish ill about their children. Ur blog seems to be very biased towards Ur friend.

    True we are in 2012, but we need to answer a small question

    Has the whole world developed equally ? answer will be NO

    We as children need to understand why this kind of caste concern by our parents , show over the happiness of the child .

    Even though its 2012 still there are many states in India like Uttar Pradesh , Bihar , Rajasthan to name the few ,where caste is a major indicator of social status or castes speaks the lot about the family background .

    What happens around you influences your decision…. so if the children come with such a proposal the parents try to object by asking caste. It is the future security of the children what they want to ensure.

    our generation have come out of place like Bihar, U.P. , Rajasthan and stayed in metro where people are educated, nobody ask what ur caste is , but asks what ur salary package is or how well settled you are .

    Because our experience here says the place we work or type of job we do or what package we are hired, is the new meaning of caste we are following in 2012.

    Caste is how successful and unsuccessful we are.

    If my daughter says ‘she wants to marry a guy who xth dropout doing nothing’ or ‘is a courier boy at first flight ‘ , i will say she has gone mad, because i will be concerned about her future.

    We as a children need to talk to them and make them understand this new meaning of caste, and make them comfortable that how well our after life will be.

    I am sure a good assurance of a happy future will make them change their view. Rather than thinking how sick and dead in hearts our parents are.

  4. Well…!!!!..I shoul say, that this is problem across millions of people in the country….I am also going with the same thing wioth my sister…though my Uncle and Aunt have agreed for the wedding…but they keep throwing tantrums on my sister for having brought down their fame by choosing a boy of another community..and…for me..its going to happen in the future…for I will follow my sister..!!!..:-)…Anyways…its sick of all such people….who for this stinky reason forbid their child from choosing thire life partners….!!!
    Ridiculous….filthy….disty..thinking…!!!

  5. Respected Stalin,

    I came to know about you via Satyamev Jayate’s episode. There are so many people in our country who are working for deprived sections and for the welfare of humanity but I am moved by the sacred and sincere efforts in your deeds. Your words reflect the true intentions of your soul. Actually the overall impact of that episode was most effective as compared to other episodes or issues raised in Satyamev Jayate and that’s because it was full packed with people who have really implemented their ideas and who have devoted their lives for special causes and you were the most influential part of that episode. Your documentaries reflect that you are doing your best out of your love for the fellowmen and out of your pain for their sufferings.
    In addition, when I was trying to know more about you via the so called weapon in our hands “google”, I reached at this webpage and it only acted as a catalyst to my thoughts about you, specially when i accidentally read your “Parents! Well…Not Well” article. After reading your thoughts in this article I just want to salute you for your courage to say the heart of so many unheard voices.
    I feel the same, I believe the same and unfortunately (not fortunately because now I also carry the risk of being called as pre-mature) I have the same courage – the courage to love and the courage to fight simultaneously in a single heart.

    Looking forward to meet you at some point of life.

    So glad to know you because now I can dare more, live more and love more.

    With regards and prayers
    garima arya.

  6. Stalin, I totally agree with your point. We all respect our parents more than anything else but why they dont understand and respect their kids’ choices sometimes? I totally believe that doing right is more important. Lot of people sacrifice and marry some guy/gal but is it worth it? Dont you remember that you got only one life? Why to put it on stake for some illogical wish of our parents? Caste system is created by humans. God never created it. We are all humans. So lets behave like humans. Sometimes I truly feel that animals are better that us in this respect. Wish we can learn something from them.

    The point is not even about being marrying a courier guy or a low earning guy. Its about being happy. And that doesn’t necessarily require money always. Even a courier guy has possibilities of growth. Everyone has. No one is small man here. You can never say that if a person is not rich now, he wont be later too. Dont judge people by what they are now but judge them what they can.

  7. An interesting post… Many Indians can relate to this, including myself.

    Well, maybe our parents are sick… or maybe not. We shouldn’t judge them based on what they say. Actually many parents do not even know what to say…!!! This is a deeply rooted issue in our society. Its more about feeding their egos (or rather saving their shame in front of the society…!!!) This has nothing to do with the child’s happiness but more about the fear of being ridiculed by the society. They themselves may not believe in caste system – but they live in a society where everyone will point fingers at them, ridicule them till the day they die… especially close relatives. And if by chance the marriage fails – sky of humiliation will fall on their heads…!!! They will not be able to walk the streets with head held high.

    Now, I know – Its a shame if they cannot keep their head held high just because their child had an inter caste marriage. Have some guts…!!! This isn’t a crime… its all about just love and choice of a life partner…

    I am 26 and I am not supporting such parents… Nor can I ever tolerate such dictatorial attitude towards my choice of a life partner. But I wonder – how can this collective (social) mindset be changed that everyone feels free to live a life of their own!!!

    PS – I am a huge fan of your documentaries….

  8. yes its true and actualy its happening in 2015..i have been asked by my parents to broke off and call it a quit cz i wanted to marry a boy whose is from other community society caste and many more. handling things on emotional grounds is bad and terribly ill. its painful. Talkig to them is also not working here. leave my parents they are quite old my siblings of my generation they also have same thoughts..its hurting like hell..being a teacher i can’t teach my family..this society needs to grow up..

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