Messagentities Stallinus

Messagentities Stallinus : A neurological disorder commonly seen in compulsive texter’s where a response to one’s text messages are maniacally expected, and not getting replies to a message within 0.08 seconds of sending it can cause serious anxieties. Messagentities is known to be caused when repeated pressure on the nerves that end at the tip of the two thumbs send signals to the brain that one is the centre of all conversations in the cosmos. Messagentities is particularly aggravated in persons who constantly check if the messaged person is ‘typing’ to others (generally understood as ‘I am not the centre of cosmos because you were carrying on other parallel conversations’) while they are still awaiting a response to a text.

Common Symptoms:

  • A need to constantly check your phone for incoming messages
  • Inability to resist messaging or replying while doing other neurologically occupying things like driving or feeding your baby or shampooing
  • Mild to severe anxiety pangs when your messages are not replied back within few seconds leading you to believe that your loved ones tend to ignore you
  • Forwarding inane riddles and jokes just to keep your self in the conversation
  • Checking ‘last seen’ or ‘online’ status of your friends and picking up fights with them for not responding to you even though they were there

Messagentities can also be caused by other allied disorders, more specifically WhatsappismFBities and Tweeterautism. The symptoms are more or less the same.

The name of this disorder is suffixed by Stallinus in honor of it’s discover Stalin K., a human rights campaigner and filmmaker who also passionately indulges in community psychology. “Messagentities is a serious disorder and is on the raise at an alarming rate. The number of relationships this disorder is breaking down is high enough for us to sit up and pay attention to it”, says Stalin K

Cure: Contrary to the expectation from modern medicine there is no known drugs to cure Messagentities Stallinus. The discoverer’s research reveals that many have tried various meditation techniques and had some success in controlling this disorder. Mantra Meditation and Movement Meditation seem to be the best-suited cure. Movement Meditation, slow gentle circling of your upper body as you focus on your breath, have been reported to be effective. Stalin K believes that the relief felt by the diseased could be because people are away from their phones for at least the duration of the meditation. Those who have found some success with this have reported that they are able to have small in-person ‘real’ conversations with their friends and family.

Needless to say, the drastic method of disabling instant messaging services and apps from your phones are sure to work.

~ by stalink on February 7, 2014.

2 Responses to “Messagentities Stallinus”

  1. Thank you Dr. Stallin for getting us acquainted with this vry important research of yours.😉

    Will definitely suggest the “MOVEMENT MEDITATION” technique to all my text-o-phillic buddies…😛

    Good work.😀

  2. So true!..I am wondering whether leaving a comment to this too is an extended symptom of MS..LOL

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